There Really Isn't a Question After All

Q: A year ago or so, I had a phone conversation with John Wheeler.  Prior to that and intermittently since then I've read his pointers and checked out links on his website.  Most of what I "see" today, I can't really describe....except maybe to say that there's been this seemingly very slow "dropping away" of the intensity of life's "problems"...

Today I was reading through some of the writings on your website, and the one entitled "Even Problem is a Thought" really grabbed me.  It did so mainly because I've had this lingering sense of a question I want to ask...or, I should say....this question comes up intermittently....only, by the time I am at the computer or whatever...where I might pose the question...it no longer seems to matter.

Here's the thing. I read what John posts...and what you post...and others....and there is a knowing that each of these is pointing to a reality I know.  Periodically I experience what seems to be what this "Sean" experienced....something like a wondering if the so-called negative thoughts and emotions that still come up ever lessen or lighten or whatever.  Like somehow experiencing anger or fear means I am not somehow fully "seeing" the truth...or who I really am...or whatever.  I think I may be looking for the same sort of "once and for all" end of the experience of what has been labeled "negative" feelings.

Anyway...this is as good a place as any from which to actually send an email!

A: What do you want?

Q: Not sure if you are asking what I want in general in life...or what I want in emailing you.

In life, I want to see who I really am...or, at least, be able to see through the identifications that still come up rather unexpectedly causing periodic havoc at home or whatever.  In emailing you, I was hoping for a dialogue in which you might be able to help me see where I'm stuck, so to speak.

A: So, is that your bottom line? To “be able to see through the identifications that still come up rather unexpectedly causing periodic havoc”? 

If you accomplish this, then there will be nothing further needed or desired? 

Or is there something you think the “seeing through identifications” will lead to for you?

Q: Well, freedom, I guess.  The freedom and peace I know when I'm not caught up in mind-made identifications.

I am confused.  Everything I read or hear around this points to "it" being always here, always now....and reference is made to the "cause of suffering" being from a lack of clarity as to my true nature.  I agree....at least that's my experience.

There's also a strong emphasis on there not being something to attain....and I get that in a general sense....but even John points to the need for clarity...suggesting that clearly seeing our true nature  results in struggles losing their grip, so to speak....so what happens is I periodically find myself smack in the middle of some conflict with one of my sons, the point being that I am upset in those moments, angry or hurt or whatever....or at work or something...and the question arises as to whether I have really seen my true nature clearly, if such things still occur....and with seemingly so much personal investment.

Ugh.  (smiling)

And yet, it's all good somehow....but this subtle gnawing goes on....this,..."hmmm...I must not really get this..."

A: You want to be able to have interaction with people and not have as much personal investment (or let’s say, that’s one of the things you want). And once you have accomplished being able to have interaction with people without so much personal investment, through clarity or whatever, then what? What will you have?

This may seem like an odd direction, but trying to really pin down what it is we think we’re striving for reveals the nature of the mind, and the device it uses to keep us “suffering” and striving for something. If you’ll look very closely and focus on what I ask you, you can see the trick, and then the entire story of seeking and clarity and freedom falls away. This is what John means when he says “clarity” – unfortunately, any time clarity is spoken of, the mind sees it as something that is needed and must be sought, and we’re back at it again. In my experience, the only way to bypass that circular striving mechanism is to question the legitimacy of the desires until the trick reveals itself, and then it all stops short.

So again, focus on this: What is it you think you will have when you aren’t as personally invested in daily activities? Only address this, nothing else.

Q: I don't know.  Peace, I guess.

And I get that you'll ask now what I will have if I have peace....etc.  I don't know the answer....or, rather, from there it just gets circular....If I have peace there will be less conflict, less personal investment....if I have less conflict, less personal investment, I'll have peace...if I have peace.....etc.

I'm missing the point, I think.

A: You've noticed the circularity – good! Now, what do you think that's about? Why is it circular? What are you going to do about it?

(I just posted an essay: "How Does the Mind Get Away With This?”)

Whatever you decide to do about it, what will you get from that? Peace?

Q: I knew what your posting would say before I read it.  As I read it I was smiling, then grinning, ...and so amazed ....and at the same time, not amazed at all...that I already know this....that I already know the answer to my questions....or, rather, that there really isn't a question after all.  Sometimes....many times, maybe, ....I think I don't know the answer...which means, of course, that I seem to think there is a question after all....only I'm smiling again as I type this.

Even now the mind seems to be formulating new "yeah, but what about when this or that happens....?"...more questions.  Somehow, if I don't pay attention to the formulations...or, rather, if I notice that I see the formulation....suddenly I get the joke....laugh out loud even.  How amazingly serious it all seems....until I somehow take one second to see the "seeing things seriously,"  except that I don't see anything....and ....ah...in just this moment I get the absence of an "I" seeing anything......and all at once it's just a mind that seems well-practiced at keeping busy!!

I may write again ....soon or not....wondering again from within the thoughts how to solve some "problem," but for now....I'll just say thanks!

A: Now I'm laughing out loud! This is wonderful. You really caught on fast. I was going to send an additional note to you: "Isn't it clear that 'Am I missing something?' is just more of the same?", but evidently I didn't need to do that. You already got it. 

Feel free to keep in touch. But remember that any question that arises from now on can't really be taken seriously at all! 

Great job. 

Q: I woke up today having overslept a bit...irritated for the lateness...and with the mind already spinning such conclusions as: "well, whatever you saw last night is gone.." And "see, this is the stuff where I have trouble....why am I irritated ...where's the seeing today?" ...stuff like that.

Then the mind said...."well, obviously irritation is happening"...and almost without realizing the trap the mind had set for itself, that thought was exactly, and simply the case.... irritation was happening...but the point is....whatever "I" was feeling was just happening....and the mind sets about categorizing it, naming it, judging it....when there isn't a good or a bad....apart from the seemingly automatic labels the mind attaches.  In the moment of recognizing whatever "I" seemed to be feeling/experiencing....all at once the joke was obvious yet again!!

Wow....the conditioning I hear about...and experience all the time, is expert, isn't it?  And at the same time, it's meaningless....unless I'm focused on the content instead of the mind/conditioning itself.  When I see the conditioning, its expertise collapses.

Thing is, though, there's really nothing "I" can do about the conditioning....except possibly see it as conditioning.  When I try to "watch out for it" it ahead of time, so to speak, I'm caught already in the content, yes?  Yes.  Of course....actually, I'm caught in I....big laugh again. 

There's nothing to do.

Wow!

A: That’s right, there’s nothing to do.