Dropping It All, Mid-Sentence

Q: This question keeps arising – this spaciousness, this awareness – yes, it includes everything and is ever-present, but the thought that this is all somehow connected to the body persists. Without a body, what kind of awareness can exist? I sat with my mother recently and watched her take her last breath – what happened? That presence/awareness seemed to disappear and only an inert mass remained. 

It seems so irreversible – any semblance of “her” gone forever. I am trying to get all this – I mean, there has to be at least some understanding in the mind, doesn't there? I'd appreciate any words from you.

A: I’ve stopped talking about “awareness” as the means to notice what we really are, mainly because of this very question. Yes, awareness needs a living body and brain to be registered! And it’s convoluted and complicated to recognize the fact that something already had to be “aware” or “there” in order for your brain to register it, etc. etc. I find it not very helpful.

So let me just ask you the main question: What do you want? What is wrong?

Q: I guess I wouldn't say anything is “wrong” per se, but there's always a nagging “yes, but..” after hearing all these incredible words from so many wonderful teachers about our true nature as eternal/never born/never dying, etc., and I've been around death more and more lately and see directly how when that last breath is over – it looks OVER – nada, nothing, zip. So what is this talk about we never die? 

Awareness, beingness, isness, the Absolute, etc., – is it not all predicated on a body? Which would seem to mean that without it, there's no experience of anything – as there is no one – as in deep sleep – the only difference being, there's no awakening in the morning.

What I want – is to see clearly that I am somehow not this body – irrevocably – with no lingering yes, buts, doubts and questions. 

I basically just see that awareness of awareness happens frequently (through this body), there's also an undercurrent of expectation that something will be seen or shifted  to permanently see THROUGH the falseness of a central me.

A: You said: “What I want – is to see clearly that I am somehow not this body – irrevocably – with no lingering yes, buts, doubts and questions.” 

See if you can pinpoint exactly what you think this will look like. This is important. You have an expectation of something, and I think that if you look closely and bring into focus what is now a vague image in your mind, you may discover that your fantasy is nothing but a desire to have a different feeling or a different thought than you do now. And this permanence you desire may reveal itself to be nothing more than just another impermanent thought.

So define it. Describe what will be different. Make it very real, be specific. What will it look like when you have this “direct seeing”? What will you have?

This may seem like an unrelated question, or really off-topic, but I assure you that if you follow this pointer, it will lead you in the right direction. Just give it a try. It can't hurt.

Q: Well I've really been thinking about all this a lot – probably not a good thing  :-) and considering what's going on.  I can see that by slowing it down “frame by frame,” as you recently suggested to someone, that there is a thought about a future me happening “when” something will be improved somehow in this life experience......pretty clear. And also clear that it's nothing other than a thought! Very sneaky stuff!

I was also listening to part of an audio with Sailor Bob and he was asking someone if the air inside their body was the same as outside – the water too, was it the same inside as out – and saying the body is nothing more than the same space too – which seems to suggest that this consciousness isn't exactly “in” the body – oh but there I go off on those thoughts again – I think at the bottom of the question is – what happens when “we” die? Kind of the basic big one – but who knows that answer?  Thinking about all of this doesn't bring any clarity or peace.  Not knowing doesn't really either.  Yet this seems to be clear and peaceful to those who have apparently “seen through” this body as who we are??  I think that's what's really it – I want THAT kind of peace and assurance.

I'm probably missing something significant here – any suggestions?

A: Yes. Read my last email again and answer the question I asked you. You blew it off completely.

Q: Yes I can see that I did not answer the question or direction you suggested – went off rambling instead – sorry about that.

So – what would it look like to have this direct seeing? Specifically...I think I'd somehow “be” everything then…without a me in the middle.  Instead of me typing, there would just be typing happening – to no one. Daily life would not be about a “me” agonizing about decisions, directions, etc., as it would just all happen effortlessly. To anyone else looking, it would look the same I guess, but giving credence to “my” ideas/fears/thoughts, etc., wouldn't be a problem and

...stopped in mid sentence-thinking that if “I” had this direct seeing/knowing... everything would be the same as it is – just happening presently. If “someone” or “no one” is thought to be there – it wouldn't change anything! Whoa.

This just is happening as it does. Full throttle life appearing exactly as it does – ever fresh.

A: So when you stopped and took a look at what you really wanted, you ended up seeing for yourself that nothing would change, and everything is already fine just the way it is.

You put it really perfectly: Full throttle life, appearing exactly as it does, ever fresh!

Bingo! Nothing much else to say, is there?

Q: I'm smiling here...seems so obvious! Thanks for the pointers!!

A: :-)