Follow-up to “Where’s My New Doll?”

Q: Thank you for writing me back!

Yes, you're right; but this "I" we're talking about is what I took to be me for so long. Now something is taking place and what appeared to be me doesn't feel like me anymore.

And at the same time this is going on, there is also a rush of, "Oh, thank God, I'm not real,” this pathetic thing I call Sasha. And it all seems so overwhelming. And this noticing that we're speaking of is so "here," so solid, so now!  And now you say this is what I am, "this noticing." And then there is something agreeing with what you're saying. Like YES, this is right! And then we're back to being Sasha again. Are there times when you feel this way also?

A: You say, "You’re right, but...," and then you want to go right back into the “I” and the story about “I,” and you want to fix it in the story. You can’t fix it in the story. Why not just stick with “You’re right,” and stop there?

The “but…” is what your mind has already been doing for all these years, and it hasn’t worked, has it? That’s why I’m trying  to point you towards something that is not in the story. Stay with me on this. Don’t go back to the story. It can’t be fixed there.

> this "I" we're talking about is what I took to be me for so long.

It doesn’t matter what you took to be you. Just notice what is noticing that thought right now.

> Now something is taking place and what appeared to be me doesn't feel like me anymore.

The noticing of this thought is the same as the noticing of the prior thought, isn’t it? The feelings don’t matter. They change.

> And at the same time this is going on, there is also a rush of, "Oh, thank God, I'm not real,” this pathetic thing I call Sasha.  

And so in the story, Sasha feels excited and that she is going to get a revelation of the real, non-pathetic Sasha. This is not going to happen. You don’t get anything from this.

> And it all seems so overwhelming. 

Is this noticing ever overwhelmed?

> And this noticing that we're speaking of is so "here," so solid, so now!  

To whom? Notice that this noticing is just noticing that Sasha feels that something is solid and now. And then she’ll feel something different, and so what? What changed? The noticing is not affected.

> And now you say this is what I am, "this noticing." And then there is something agreeing with what you're saying. Like YES, this is right! 

It’s really obvious, isn’t it? It’s just your normal, everyday consciousness, noticing.

> And then we're back to being Sasha again.

Did normal, everyday consciousness go away? Are you still aware? Are you still conscious? So nothing changed at all, did it?

> Are there times when you feel this way also?

There have been all kinds of experiences. But I don’t want to go into that, because the most helpful pointing that was offered to me is what I’m offering to you now, although it is not what you want to hear. I’m pointing to that which is not touched by the story of Sasha and what she wants. I’m pointing to this simple, everyday noticing that is constant, present, and undeniable. There is nothing besides this.

Look and see that everything besides this simple noticing is made up by you on the fly, and then dropped by you the next moment for a new imaginary scenario. And on and on, and it is all in your head, not in reality. Reality is only this noticing, and everything else can be dismissed.

Don’t try to fix things in the story, don’t try to feel a different way. Just notice that it’s all seen within this noticing, and is not real. The noticing alone is real. That is your normal state, your normal awareness, and it is who you are. Full stop!

(And then, later:)

Q: I see where the mind is trying to fix it; searching for solutions and never finding one that lasts for very long. I see there is no fixing within the story. But how does one drop the story of me and remain in the knowing of this "noticing" that seems to be so constant? And I know here is the mind again with another but question.

Oh, Oh wait, I see it, the mind keeps the story going and therefore takes the attention away from the noticing. The noticing is still there, or awareness I guess, but the story in the mind rattles on and on.

A: Yes! That's it. It's just that simple. Not what you expected, is it?