Just Now

It’s very easy to stay wrapped up in the drama of the imaginary life, but for many people, it’s painful in the extreme. If you don’t like it, you may have to remind yourself over and over what is real, and simply bring yourself back to present consciousness where, in this moment, no "I" can possibly exist. It helps to simply see over and over again that to bring your attention to now, there is nothing to want anywhere in the future, no “I” to exist in that future.

In order for there to be a “you,” there has to be some future and past for things about you to refer to, to describe “your” place in the scheme of things. Right now, there is no past or future. And the person can only appear to appear if it defines its own past and future: a self-inventing fiction. 

So what we’re talking about here is the breaking of a bad habit you have of referring all activity in your life to this self-invented "I" center. That habit is breakable. So don't project into a bleak (non-existent) future that says you will always feel bad and frustrated. Right here, right now, is there a problem? Is there frustration, in the current, clear, impersonal awareness? Or is there a calmness noticed in the observation of the frustration? Keep coming back to this calmness, over and over, and it will become impossible to stay away from after a while. The other – the "I"-centered life – loses its appeal and becomes quite painful, like touching a hot stove. The calm simplicity of who you really are becomes magnetic, and draws you in.

Over and over, return to your present impersonal knowing that you are aware, and that means right now. You have no opportunity to do or get this in the future. The future you imagine of "you" getting this is imaginary and will never materialize. No future moment will ever materialize. So there is no use imagining the one you want. You only have one shot at this, and it is RIGHT NOW. There is never any other time. And so drop the future from your plans. There is no future. The expectation, desire, lust you have for realization, when does it arise? NOW. And what is it? It's suffering. So let that be what it is, but notice that everything that ever arises – suffering, happiness – it all only arises right now. When you reach an imaginary future where you are finally satisfied, when would "satisfied" be arising? Only right now. And that’s where you already are. Reach outside of now in imagination, and you suffer. 

So rather than look at what is arising – "I," desire, frustration, etc. – look at the source of all that arises. From this awareness that watches, everything is held within it: all your good moods, all your bad moods, all your spiritual experiences, all action, all thought – there is nothing that is not "noticed" in awareness. So stick with that. You don't have to make it better, because there is no value judgment in awareness. Everything is noticed and welcomed as equal, equally conceptual, equally dream-like. From awareness, "you" cannot possibly need a thing – you are simply a concept. But awareness – which is impersonally known right now! – is not a concept.

What about all the “I’m sick of not getting this!” stuff? Ignore the object of awareness ("I") and look at what the calm, welcoming awareness needs in this situation. Anything? Nothing at all. Ahhhhh. Keep reminding yourself of this – it's fine – it will become your normal way of seeing as a habit.

Conclusion #1: When do you realize you are free? Now. You are free right now, but for the wanting of an imaginary "future" event.

Conclusion #2: Stay with now. Return to this mind-less, word-less, impersonal place over and over. It’s that simple.

Conclusion #3: There is no one to make a conclusion. :-)